I recently purchased a magazine which to be fair was not known for bringing actual news to its’ readers. This magazine without naming it was printed on flimsey thin paper with a title in huge writing that said a variation of “READ ABOUT THE SHOCKING TRUTH BEHIND ELIZA’S LIPOSUCTION SECRETS!!!!!” with a big ol picture of this celebrity, in this case me, in a photo that was taken while I was doing something ridiculous like eating or in the middle of speaking.
So I turned to the page to see what this shocking story was and to my dismay it was no such story. While the cover boasted about this shocking lipo secret when I got the story it read similar to this:
“After giving birth to twins Eliza was fat. She was so fat that her husband did not want to make love to her any more. So Eliza wanted to turn to liposuction. However after her friend Kim Kardashian said she could take her weight lose pills Eliza was like “Oh yay! Now I don’t have to do liposuction and I may have affairs with my husband!”. Eliza took the medicine and lost 200 pounds yay!”
There was no secret, it was not shocking, I was disappointed 🙁 Then again what do we as a society want with a magazine that reads, “Learn how Eliza lost pounds with medicine.” there is no mystery. We need mystery and we need stories of plastic surgery. If I wanted to learn about happy magic pills that made you ‘lose’ weight then I was watch overplayed commercials.